Two Retards in Gotham
by Organization13Lover
Summary: Two hilariously retarded soon to be step sisters find themselves in Gotham city. Their sped antics will turn the city upside down and most likely cause the Joker to go even more insane than he already acts.
1. Chapter 1

**My friend Kelsey and I decided to make some stories about the two of us getting sucked into random worlds and then telling what would happen when we did xD. This is the first one.**

Disclaimer: WE DO NOT OWN BATMAN OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS BUT IT WOULD OWN IF WE DID.

Summary: What happens when two girls get sucked into the Batman universe.

Read and review please!

Two Retards in Gotham

Two girls were coming home from the movies one night. They had just seen The Dark Knight for the third time that week.

" Dude, did you see the part when the Joker blew up that hospital?!"Said the first girl, Olivia.

"Oh yeah, that was totally awesome!" Replied the second girl, Kelsey.

" Oh my god Kelsey, I'm so glad we decided to come home at night, it totally adds to the mood." Exclaimed Olivia

"I know, right? It's sooo creepy, I love it!"

They continued to walk down the sidewalk unaware of what was to happen next. They passed an alleyway with a light coming from it that cast an eerie glow and made distorted shadows. Kelsey and Olivia kept walking right on past the weird phenomenon, continuing to talk about the movie they were currently addicted to and being generally airheaded. Approximately three seconds later they backed up in unison and stared wide eyed and slack jawed into the alley at the strange, glowing light that was floating there.

"Dude, check it out! That's frikin' weird!" Said Olivia.

"OMG what could it be? It looks like some kind of portaly thingy." Said Kelsey.

"Let's go check it out." This was Olivia and she only intended to walk a little closer and look at the potal thing, however, being a total clutz, she tripped over a pebble and fell into the portaly thingy with a cry that was quickly cut off.

Kelsey just blinked and looked around. "Uh…What the hell just happened?"

"………………………………"

"Don't worry buddy, I'll save you!" she shouted, and jumped, with a war cry that resembled the call of Chubaka, into the portal.

On the other side of the portal, Olivia was just getting up from landing on her face in the street of what was apparently some sort of parallel universe. She got to her feet and brushed the dirt off of her, her nose wrinkling in disgust. Just then Kelsey came crashing through and smacked right into her friend, sending them flying a good three feet off the sidewalk Olivia had moved to and into the street.

"Ugh!" They both cried out. After standing up and brushing themselves off, for the second time for Olivia, the two girls finally had a chance to look around.

"Whoa, This place is huge." Olivia remarked in awe.

"Where are we?" Kelsey questioned.

Just then they heard sirens blaring close by and looked up when they heard tires screeching near them. Horrified, they realized they were standing right in front of an oncoming van. There was a man leaning out of the car window. He had green hair, his face covered in what appeared to be grease paint. His eyes had black makeup all around them and his lips were bright with red lipstick that stretched jaggedly up his cheeks. He had a maniacal grin plastered on his face and a wild, excited look in his eyes as his met the now wide and frightened eyes of our beloved retards.

Kelsey and Olivia both let out horrible screams as the van approached, sure they were going to die.

Just then, a shadow appeared in the corner of their eyes as Batman suddenly appeared! Riding on his motorcycle, He came riding like a bat out of hell past the van, right into the girls and grabbed one in each arm as he threw them over one shoulder and turned the vehicle at the last second off to the side to avoid being run over like a pancake. xD

The Joker gave a high-pitched cackle as he sped by calling out to them:" My my, what a daring rescue. Oh, but you're not out of harm's way yet, girlies."

As he said that, he pulled out a machine gun and blasted the shit out of Batman's tires, forcing him to come skidding to a halt. As Batman tried to keep them from spiraling out of control, the girls screaming their heads off clutching onto him, The joker's van skidded and turned around rather ungracefully.

Despite Batmans' valiant efforts to right the vehicle, it tipped and they all lay in a jumbled heap on the ground. As he stopped next to the entangled trio, the Joker opened the door to the van and snatched up the two girls. Batman was currently struggling to get out from under his motorcycle, which had landed on top of him in the crash and was pinning him down as the Joker whisked the girls into his van. He then proceeded to hop into the van after his captives, and speed away. However, he did not leave the scene without first throwing a grenade or two at the approaching cops.


	2. Chapter 2

**Just so u guys know, the girls in here are based off real people, me and my soon to be step sister, Kelsey, who actually isn't really writing this with me anymore but I still love her. xD These are our real personalities so it's cool that we can do this you know?**

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN BATMAN! QUIT REMINDING ME! T.T; I don't own any Grinch related things either.

**SAFAYI! THIS IS FOR U CUZ UR MY FIRST FAN EVER! GO U I LOVE U! xD**

**Two Retards in Gotham Chappy 2**

The two girls woke up later inside what appeared at first to be a jail cell.

"_Well that can't be right_." Olivia thought. But after looking around she realized that it was not a jail cell they were in but merely an ugly room. Beside her, Kelsey was stirring.

"Wahappened?" She muttered as she began to look around sleepily. Then, it all came back to them, the portal, falling on their asses multiple times, the unexpected yet cool batman intervention thingy, and finally, the kidnapping.

"OMG this is sooo cool!" Olivia exclaimed. "We've been kidnapped! By the Joker! WOO!" She then proceeded to jump up and down clapping her hands in a comical, yet somewhat retarded, fashion. Kelsey just stared at her for a few seconds before suddenly letting out a loud "YAY!" and beginning to jump up and down with her. Just at that moment however, the door on the other side of the room creaked open to reveal none other than the Joker himself. He came in with his standard Cheshire cat grin plastered on his face but when he noticed the strange jumping and clapping thing going on his grin was immediately replaced with a confused frown_."What the_ _hell?"_ He thought."Well I don't mean to interrupt your little sped muffin fest over there but I just thought you'd like to know that I am indeed the Joker and you two are now my captives." He finished. The girls just stared at him "…" and then they burst into even louder cheers. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO! THIS OWNS!" They cried out in unison.

Before he could even open his mouth, our little speds began to overflow with questions and odd comments." OMG are you really THE Joker? I LOVE your work! Was your father really a drinky? Why is your costume like a clowns? Have you ever engaged in any sexual activities with Batman? Have you ever considered therapy? How do you keep escaping Arkham? Did you ever fuck Harley? How old are you?—

"SHUT UP!"

Immediately they clamped their jaws shut and sucked in their lips, their eyes wide. He just continued to glare at him before turning on his heal muttering "I'm going to need an aspirin or three…"

" WAIT!"

He whipped around only to see Olivia step forward with pleading eyes. "Before you go"… she whispered quietly," could I"……,and then she looked up into his eyes with her own bright and shining ones with a huge grin on her face, "get your autograph?"

The Joker just stared at her as she continued to smile at him. He was sure steam was going to come out of his ears any second and he thought about just shooting the little bitch where she stood but that wouldn't be any fun, now would it? So instead he looked her in the eye and fixed her with a glare and…"NO YOU CANNOT HAVE MY AUTOGRAPH, NOW SHUT UP AND STOP BEING SO SPEDISH BEFORE I BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF! YOU'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED FOR CHRISTS' SAKE, BE AFRAID!"

With that, he stormed out of the room, leaving the girls quivering in fear at his sudden outburst. Until the door shut that is. That was when Olivia turned to Kelsey and said: "I think he likes us!"

--

**Meanwhile…**

The joker was pacing back and forth, pondering that strange encounter. _"How did they know_ _about Harley and my father?_ Just who the hell were these _kids_ anyway? How dare they pull that shit on _him?_ "_**I'll **teach them a thing or two."_ He thought with an evil grin that looked very similar to the one the Grinch has when he plans to screw up Whovilles' Christmas.

**Back with sped one and sped two…**

"Dude we've gotta be dreaming!" This was Olivia who was still totally psyched about all this, especially since she had a bit of a thing for monsieur Joker. "Ugh, I hope not though, this has been great! Even the almost being run over part was fun! Olivia mused. "hahaha! I know right, I'm loving this, I wonder if Batman will try to save us?" Kelsey replied. "That would be funny, cuz I would totally be like dude you need to take some speech lessons if I ever saw him again." Joked Olivia. " Ahahahaha! That's awesome; we should tell the Joker to say that." Said Kelsey.

They then proceeded to blab for about another hour when they realized that Kelsey had a hairpin in her cute ponytail do.

"Will we get in trouble if we try to escape?" Asked Olivia.

" Why would you want to escape, don't you want to stay here with your lover?" Kelsey joked.

"Well ya, but it would be sooo fun to try and run for it, dontcha think?" Olivia explained.

"O hell yes!" Kelsey enthusiastically agreed.

So they stuck the pin into the lock and jiggled it around. " Man, I'm so glad Rachael told us about this little trick and I'm glad you always do your hair, Kels."( Rachael is my cousin, not the Batman Rachael) They giggled and snuck out the door…

**W00T CLIFFHANGER! Lol sorry guys, ino it sucks when people do that but I'm getting writers block and its really late.**

**Review plz!**


	3. Chapter 3

**THANK YOU SAFAYI who helped me a lot with writing this chappy! Shes done soooo much and a lot of the lines in here were her ideas. Thanks sweetie, ur the best ;)**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN IT! I DON'T! THAT'S Y IT'S CALLED FANFICTION, STUPID LAWYERS .**

**Two Retards in Gotham Part 3**

They stepped out into the hall, unknown territory, to find…dirt. And lots of it. Along with some crustified papers and dust and crap. It was really gross.

" Eeeeww!" Said Kelsey as she stepped out first, her body shielding Olivia's. "What is it?"Olivia asked, peeking out from behind her friend, followed by an " Awww, that's just NASTY, and wtf? Where is all the cool stuff? And the rides? The joker always picks kick-ass hideouts." She finished. "YA! I want a refund! This is like, completely sucky! Kelsey practically shouted.

"Shh, we have to be very quiet or we'll be caught." Olivia whispered. Kelsey nodded with a grave expression on her face. They slowly tiptoed out of the doorway and into the hallway they were in which was a dull gray color on all the walls and floors. It was probably white at one time but with all that nastiness, The paint job kinda got raped. xD

Surprisingly, there was no one around to guard them or anything. Probably thought that two teenage sped chicks would be waaay too retarded to be able to escape. After walking to the end of the hallway, they found themselves to be in what appeared to be an old factory.

"How are we gonna get out of here?" Whispered Olivia. Kelsey looked around and her face lit up with excitement when she spotted a rusty/slimyish hammer on an equally disgusting work bench. "If we find a window, we can use that to bust out." Said Kelsey. "That's a great idea; in fact, I think I remember seeing a small window back in our room."

So they took the hammer and snuck back down the hallway into their room and shut the door, while attempting to be as quiet as possible, and gave the window a good whack. The glass, being old and cracked already, gave quite easily, albeit with a loud tinkling. The girls stood stock still, hardly daring to breathe, as they listened for a sign of approaching bad guys.

Nothing.

Meanwhile: 

The Joker had taken his asprin and and was just beginning to get comfortable on the busted couch by the only door in or out in the factory he now occupied. When suddenly, he heard like, tons of noise. "What the hell." He thought to himself for the second time that day. Then his eyes widened in realization. The girls, I must stop them!" but as he got up, a wave of pain met his forehead. "Gah! A migraine, my one true weakness! No!" "Must. stop. sped-weirdos. too. much. noise. migrain. overpowering. me. gah!" He exclaimed as he fell backwards on the couch after staggering around in pain, trying in vain, to reach the eastern hallway. He would've called some of his lackeys to go grab them, but the idiots all got caught in that last run in with the cops. Fucking incompetent morons."Damn you, sped-muffins!" He cried before passing out.

Back with the girls:

After quickly whipping away the glass fragments with their jackets, Kelsey was lifted up by Olivia and squirmed out the window and then helped her partner in retardation out too.

"Now what should we do? We have nowhere to go and we don't know where we are." Olivia said in a worried tone.

"Well we could try the police?" Offered Kelsey.

"Hmmm I don't think they'll be very helpful, they always suck against the Joker." Replied Olivia. They both stood there in thought, contemplating the situation, until…

"I know!" Kelsey exclaimed. "We could get Batman to help us! After all, he's the only one who can defeat the Joker."

"I thought we wanted to be with the Joker though." Said Olivia as they began to walk.

"Yeah, but this makes it more interesting, and besides, wouldn't it be funny if we showed up at Wayne HQ and were like Hey look, It's Batman!"Kelsey said with a laugh.

"Ahaha that would be sooo priceless, the look on his face, xD".

So that's exactly what they did.

After walking towards the big building with "WAYNE" across the front of it, they entered the building and cried to the secretary, "We need to see Bruce Wayne immediately, It's an emergency!" The woman looked bewildered and simply asked them, "Do you have an appointment or anything?" They shook their heads and glared at her. "Ya, as if people actually schedule emergencies, pfft."

This was said by Olivia, followed by lots of laughter from Kelsey who agreed with an "I know, God use your head."

The woman was a little miffed at the sarcasm followed by the rude but still funny comment but paged the boss, just in case these two morons were serious. Not long after, a man in a business suit came down and escorted them into an office, where none other than Bruce Wayne was sitting at his desk, looking very bored. When they walked in, he looked up with a surprised look on his face and when he looked at the girls, his eyes widened, for he recognized them immediately.

"Thank you, for bringing these ladies to me, you may leave." He said to the man whom I have not named because he's insignificant and will leave us now. Stepping forward, Kelsey and Olivia walked briskly right up to Mr. Wayne's desk and exclaimed promptly "We know you're…BATMAN!" His eyes widened as he simply looked at them.

"Now why would you say something like that?"

"Uh…We're just smart like that." Kelsey said as she was about to lean against the wall with a cool smile on her face, unfortunately, she wasn't close enough to the wall and ended up falling over completely.

" Oh, by the way, there's some things you might want to take care of in your Batman routine." Olivia said.

"Like what?" Bruce asked.

"Well, first of all, that voice, I mean god! No one knows what you're saying half the time. You open your mouth and people go O.o wtf is he saying?? Can you breathe without a Tic-tac, yes but can you speak like a human being without a Hall's cough drop? No, you can't." "OH, and by the way once more, you just totally admitted to being Batman and nothing you say or do will make us believe otherwise." Olivia finished. Bruce was fuming and he cried out: "God damn it!", Followed by him getting up from his swivel chair and pushing a button on his desk, which opened a small doorway in the wall. He then grabbed our two main characters by the ears and dragged them into the darkness.

**review kiddos! =D**


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